


hurt me once

by alluringpoehler



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Not A Happy Ending, episode filler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:14:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24802141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alluringpoehler/pseuds/alluringpoehler
Summary: Ben's POV between 3.16 “Li’l Sebastian” and 4.01 “I’m Leslie Knope.” Heavily inspired by Ben Platt’sHurt Me Once.
Relationships: Leslie Knope/Ben Wyatt
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	hurt me once

Ben lets himself think about it a few times when Leslie succumbs to sleep before he does. He remembers how she glanced at him after those weirdly professional people had left the room. He gave her a confused look but she returned it with a soft smile.

He should’ve remembered it more often.

Ben hates that he has to keep his relationship with Leslie so secretive, but he knows it’s for the best. So, even though they have Harrison Ford marathons in the comfort of Leslie’s hoarder den, they can’t go out and watch movies just the two of them. Leslie always offers to one of their friends if they want to join them, “It’s a new movie! I’m sure you’d love it!” Ben envies her because he wants to be upbeat about having someone else come along but instead he wishes this could just be _their thing._ Not Ben, Leslie, and Ann, or Ben, Leslie, Andy, and April, just Ben and Leslie.

_Ben and Leslie. Dream team._

Ben is helping Leslie set up for _The Leslie Knope Employment Enjoyment Summerslam Grill Jam Fun-Splosion_ when he realizes something is off. He looks around to find her, only to not be able to see her anywhere. He asks a few of the volunteers if they’ve seen her around, but they all reply with no. 

He looks around Ramsett Park a while longer until he finally finds her beside a tree. She’s on the phone and she’s bouncing back and forth between each foot. Leslie hasn’t noticed Ben yet, so he continues to watch her despite the chance of being seen. She speaks for a while and then stops to listen intently only to pick up where she was to describe something more in-depth. He assumes it’s just something with the Parks department, so he doesn’t question it.

Not until later.

Ben rarely fell asleep after Leslie did, but when his anxieties came crawling back, he seemed to be up for hours. Ben would always decide to throw on _Fringe_ or a _Star Wars_ movie only to be distracted before anything happened. Normally, he always got distracted from the anxiety of his and Leslie’s secret relationship, or message boards, or when Ice Town decided to make a short comeback, but tonight was different. Leslie always made speeches in her sleep, he was used to it, and he honestly thought it was adorable, but tonight she was more coherent and clearer than ever. 

“And therefore, with your help, we can make our future bright. I believe I still have a lot to offer this city.”

Ben looked at Leslie to make sure she actually was asleep since this was the most specific she’s ever been during one of her sleep-induced speeches. Most of the time, Leslie would be speaking to the whole United States, and sometimes even the world, but tonight she was talking about _Pawnee._

_She should switch the two. Always helps to end on the call to action._

The past Summer was long and tiresome, but Ben was somewhat excited to get back into the fall time Pawnee activities. Even before he started dating Leslie, he found himself getting in tune with the weirdos that lived here in the town, but he also realized he was just trying to impress a girl who was also very in tune with the town.

Leslie had seemed distant as of lately, which he assumed it was because she was trying to balance the Parks activity with kids going back to school, but then he remembers walking down a hall to find Leslie walking out of one of the offices in the main hallways. Leslie had seen him and moved frantically to keep her composure.

“Who was that?” 

Leslie moved to fix her shirt and hugged her padfolio closer to her chest, “Uh, ladies, just ladies, meeting for the ladies yacht club,” Leslie opened the door quickly and poked her head in, “Anchors away ladies!”

Ben grew confused, obviously seeing, and hearing, a man from the supposed ladies yacht club. _Was that actually a thing?_ “Ladies yacht club?” Leslie threw out something incoherent only to run off towards her office. Ben stood there stunned for a second before returning back to his place in the City Manager’s office.

Ben didn’t think about it until that night when he was sitting in bed beside a sleeping Leslie with Luke Skywalker looking towards a dual sunset on the TV in front of them. He started to match everything up. Leslie trying to let more people join them in their _completely friendly outside of work activities,_ her taking her phone calls away from him, her speeches in her sleep, and the man in her “ladies yacht club” all seemed to lead to one possible explanation.

Leslie was going to be running for City Council.

He laid in bed for a few more hours, not really being able to make any more sense of the thoughts running through his head. _What did this mean for them?_

It wasn’t until a few days later that Ben knew that Leslie was trying to tell him that she was running. She was constantly tripping up on her sentences, which she never did. Sometimes, Ben wished she would do it. Get everything out into the open, end it and get it done, but Ben knew Leslie was a lot more stubborn than that. He knew that she was probably always talking to Ann and trying to figure out a loophole. 

He wouldn’t admit it, not now, but Ben loved Leslie. _God he loved her._ Which meant that he wasn’t going to stand in the way. Leslie had so many choices and so much to do, and if given it, her time on City Council would reflect that. She had so much going for her, but to Ben, she was all he had to lose. Leslie was the reason Ben stayed in Pawnee in the first place, but even when they broke up, he wouldn’t leave. He couldn’t hurt her even if he wanted to.

So Ben made a decision. After her leaving dinner when he tried to give her the box, his decision became even stronger because he realized this was just as hard on her as it was on him. This would hurt like hell, but he’d forgiven her already. She wasn’t actually in the wrong, but he knew she would beat herself up over it, and she wouldn’t forgive _herself._ He probably should be ashamed over forgiving her even before they’ve broken up, but he was proud of it because he’s decided on her. He’s decided this is what’s best, not just for Leslie, but for Pawnee.

“I know I’ve been acting really weird lately, and uhm, I really like you. What I’m about to say is gonna contradict the idea that I really like you, but that won’t change—”

“I know, just open the box.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to my lovely twitter proximity associates for always hyping me up to write. ily&ily. <3


End file.
